Holiday (?) Break Ponderings

As the wheel of the year turns, the changeover for me sees more significance than the calendar date / ‘festive period’ of conventional belief. A time to take stock of what was, what is and what may be, to contemplate with greater profoundness; along with a thorough self-analysis.
My annual review (already posted) outlined a general reflection, whereas taking time out to consider in greater muse allowed increased deliberation.
It seems that fortune, circumstance and the shadow that follows me, had conspired to produce an unhappy period in the past, of disappointment and on occasion betrayal
Sins of the past and perhaps transgressions to come(?) suggest that my nirvana will not be achieved until the penned line from Jim Morrison comes to pass, and solace in solitude; outside my immediate family, will be my only reliable companion. Once thought upon in depth however, it has presented me with an outlook of clarity that only strengthens my credo
It is not with sorrow but an increased acceptance that I view this. It could be taken of as a lifestyle to be endured rather than enjoyed, though that would be cynical, and times I feel, are “a-changing”.
This enlightenment has stimulated an inner resolve. Indeed it is not with pessimism, but clinical clarity that boosts my self-belief, confirms inner strength, that was once automatic, and of a sorrow for others. Ones instinct may at times hide, but it never fully disappears, it just lies in dormant readiness. Taking the time to make such meditation can provide such illumination, however upsetting at times.
I am bewildered when I think upon those whose frame of mind seems to change with little to no viable explanation. When I think back over the last half year, I can count on at least 7 occasions when this has been exhibited. I used to believe that perhaps it was I, who instigated this type of change of opinion.
Could it be the actions I have done that have led to the changes in the hearts of others? As I get older however, I realise that it is not I, but the character of others that is at fault.
Human nature nowadays seems to be so much of a selfish ilk. It is so disappointing to find out that which lies behind the masquerade of others, whatever happened to honest, open presentation of ones persona and feelings? Is it such an emotional vice to be sincere with others?
Although we all keep a veil over our true feelings, it is the degree of such that defines character. There is after all, a difference between chiffon and drape.
Perhaps it is a fear factor? Maybe it is genuine uncertainty? Whilst there are thoughts in my head that point to an action of deception, my heart would like to think that it is a flaw in their disposition - how condescending I hear you say, well each of us has our own philosophy of “to thine self be true” Conviction of conscience; as I often say and advocate, provides comfort and optimism for my future - something for all to consider
Whenever the time of choice is within the year, I feel it is beneficial to take time out for such reflection, a respite to ponder upon what is around us and more importantly, how things can be changed and improved upon for the betterment of our self, and where possible that of others. Disregarding the negative waves, and let them ebb away to allow one the opportunity to ride upon the crest of the surf tide can be so refreshing. Once the unconstructive burdens have been dispersed then with positive drive and intent, the development for those who really matter – especially ones self will be experienced
It is with determined commitment that we can make progress along the road on which we travel. With hopes optimism for the future, fortune; however fleeting given so far, will be returned to us .We must ensure we advance with confidence. Support would be welcomed and of great value but it seems one can rely on few aides in this endeavour. In this ever increasingly world of scepticism and materialism, we often only have ourselves to count upon. Sure we make mistakes, but it’s these errors made by ourselves; and by others that provide the experiences that we should draw upon, as we pursue the attainment of happiness.
So it is with renewed vigour, whenever one feels the time is right to weigh up past experiences and plan for the future, in order to achieve such advances, the sooner we do so the better - for “ Happy times ahead ” * Peace + Love ~ Save the Planet

Annual Review

Having just completed a 3 week leave of absence from work, I have had the opportunity to look back and review the events of the past 12 month period which has seen me take a new direction, a former route along the avenue of life that I once walked upon, but also tinged with sadness for the loss of a mentor and role model। My tale as it should do began in April, when the first quarter blossoms life। A quiet start though an ever increasing awareness of what the WWW could open up.
Encouragement from an unlikely source, a writing forum of another country, in the form of snap comments, on and of issues that had been familiar in my youth। Upon reflection I realised these values I still held true, and although changes in social improvement had occurred, fundamental problems were still evident. So with writings anew, I returned in poem, prose and essay to a wider audience. The’ General’ of operations being “Skip Stone”, after reading his book I felt back in touch with the philosophies of my youth again and hoped that my writings would give an insight for others – to consider.
Avalon was the highlight of the second period। Amidst the festival of Mind, body and spirit, I was touched both mentally and physically with a feeling of refreshment and reinvigoration। Enlightened with insight of the demons within/without me, the Angel that protected, and the provision of answers to unasked questions। Paranoia had been a defence mechanism against the dark shadows that crept with sly intent। Although this seeming flaw had substance, I was assured through word and action, that my guardian had overcome the spectre and would remain to shield me from the arrows of outrageous persecution. This gave me renewed confidence and the inner strength to be bold, stand up for the principles and values that were taught to me by my parents, and those special friends that visit me in my deepest despair, in visions that only I can see
Tragedy in the 3rd quarter saw the loss of my father – a man whose honour, virtue and dignity I try hard to aspire to। Though I still wrestle with the flaws of my individuality, I’d like to think that he would be proud of my conviction of conscience।
Travel has been an absentee over the past few years। Holidays were just rest breaks from work. I lacked the motivation to experience the exuberance that others enjoyed, preferring to stand as Spartan overseer whilst they lived the dream. So it was against the norm and upon a whim that I took a 5 day trip to Sweden, armed only with a passport, a small amount of cash and a lack of language skills to visit / stay with a internet friend. It was a case when the heart won the battle over the head and reaped good reward. I gained an insight into the culture, lifestyle and environment of a land that was only a distant memory of another past. Though it was with good reason I have been unable to do so, I realised what I had been missing out on. It was an enjoyable event that whetted my appetite for more. Belgium? Luxembourg? Germany? Where next? Hmm, just waiting for the invitation then. The World is so much more accessible nowadays – (perhaps it always was?)
Finally the inspiration of youth gave me confidence in the creation of this Blog. If nothing else I have the opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings to the masses (or those who care to read!) for their perusal, comments welcomed. Though it has been within the past 3 weeks I have discovered a lot about myself, and of others – far more than they realise (buried deep are their demons so much that they are unaware) – My thoughts are with them in their continuing strife, for they will need it. The headaches still battle within, but the cause I feel has a returning warrior to pick up the banner and steadfast be prominent. The search for my soul mate continues * Peace + Love ~ Save the Planet *