Holiday (?) Break Ponderings

As the wheel of the year turns, the changeover for me sees more significance than the calendar date / ‘festive period’ of conventional belief. A time to take stock of what was, what is and what may be, to contemplate with greater profoundness; along with a thorough self-analysis.
My annual review (already posted) outlined a general reflection, whereas taking time out to consider in greater muse allowed increased deliberation.
It seems that fortune, circumstance and the shadow that follows me, had conspired to produce an unhappy period in the past, of disappointment and on occasion betrayal
Sins of the past and perhaps transgressions to come(?) suggest that my nirvana will not be achieved until the penned line from Jim Morrison comes to pass, and solace in solitude; outside my immediate family, will be my only reliable companion. Once thought upon in depth however, it has presented me with an outlook of clarity that only strengthens my credo
It is not with sorrow but an increased acceptance that I view this. It could be taken of as a lifestyle to be endured rather than enjoyed, though that would be cynical, and times I feel, are “a-changing”.
This enlightenment has stimulated an inner resolve. Indeed it is not with pessimism, but clinical clarity that boosts my self-belief, confirms inner strength, that was once automatic, and of a sorrow for others. Ones instinct may at times hide, but it never fully disappears, it just lies in dormant readiness. Taking the time to make such meditation can provide such illumination, however upsetting at times.
I am bewildered when I think upon those whose frame of mind seems to change with little to no viable explanation. When I think back over the last half year, I can count on at least 7 occasions when this has been exhibited. I used to believe that perhaps it was I, who instigated this type of change of opinion.
Could it be the actions I have done that have led to the changes in the hearts of others? As I get older however, I realise that it is not I, but the character of others that is at fault.
Human nature nowadays seems to be so much of a selfish ilk. It is so disappointing to find out that which lies behind the masquerade of others, whatever happened to honest, open presentation of ones persona and feelings? Is it such an emotional vice to be sincere with others?
Although we all keep a veil over our true feelings, it is the degree of such that defines character. There is after all, a difference between chiffon and drape.
Perhaps it is a fear factor? Maybe it is genuine uncertainty? Whilst there are thoughts in my head that point to an action of deception, my heart would like to think that it is a flaw in their disposition - how condescending I hear you say, well each of us has our own philosophy of “to thine self be true” Conviction of conscience; as I often say and advocate, provides comfort and optimism for my future - something for all to consider
Whenever the time of choice is within the year, I feel it is beneficial to take time out for such reflection, a respite to ponder upon what is around us and more importantly, how things can be changed and improved upon for the betterment of our self, and where possible that of others. Disregarding the negative waves, and let them ebb away to allow one the opportunity to ride upon the crest of the surf tide can be so refreshing. Once the unconstructive burdens have been dispersed then with positive drive and intent, the development for those who really matter – especially ones self will be experienced
It is with determined commitment that we can make progress along the road on which we travel. With hopes optimism for the future, fortune; however fleeting given so far, will be returned to us .We must ensure we advance with confidence. Support would be welcomed and of great value but it seems one can rely on few aides in this endeavour. In this ever increasingly world of scepticism and materialism, we often only have ourselves to count upon. Sure we make mistakes, but it’s these errors made by ourselves; and by others that provide the experiences that we should draw upon, as we pursue the attainment of happiness.
So it is with renewed vigour, whenever one feels the time is right to weigh up past experiences and plan for the future, in order to achieve such advances, the sooner we do so the better - for “ Happy times ahead ” * Peace + Love ~ Save the Planet

Annual Review

Having just completed a 3 week leave of absence from work, I have had the opportunity to look back and review the events of the past 12 month period which has seen me take a new direction, a former route along the avenue of life that I once walked upon, but also tinged with sadness for the loss of a mentor and role model। My tale as it should do began in April, when the first quarter blossoms life। A quiet start though an ever increasing awareness of what the WWW could open up.
Encouragement from an unlikely source, a writing forum of another country, in the form of snap comments, on and of issues that had been familiar in my youth। Upon reflection I realised these values I still held true, and although changes in social improvement had occurred, fundamental problems were still evident. So with writings anew, I returned in poem, prose and essay to a wider audience. The’ General’ of operations being “Skip Stone”, after reading his book I felt back in touch with the philosophies of my youth again and hoped that my writings would give an insight for others – to consider.
Avalon was the highlight of the second period। Amidst the festival of Mind, body and spirit, I was touched both mentally and physically with a feeling of refreshment and reinvigoration। Enlightened with insight of the demons within/without me, the Angel that protected, and the provision of answers to unasked questions। Paranoia had been a defence mechanism against the dark shadows that crept with sly intent। Although this seeming flaw had substance, I was assured through word and action, that my guardian had overcome the spectre and would remain to shield me from the arrows of outrageous persecution. This gave me renewed confidence and the inner strength to be bold, stand up for the principles and values that were taught to me by my parents, and those special friends that visit me in my deepest despair, in visions that only I can see
Tragedy in the 3rd quarter saw the loss of my father – a man whose honour, virtue and dignity I try hard to aspire to। Though I still wrestle with the flaws of my individuality, I’d like to think that he would be proud of my conviction of conscience।
Travel has been an absentee over the past few years। Holidays were just rest breaks from work. I lacked the motivation to experience the exuberance that others enjoyed, preferring to stand as Spartan overseer whilst they lived the dream. So it was against the norm and upon a whim that I took a 5 day trip to Sweden, armed only with a passport, a small amount of cash and a lack of language skills to visit / stay with a internet friend. It was a case when the heart won the battle over the head and reaped good reward. I gained an insight into the culture, lifestyle and environment of a land that was only a distant memory of another past. Though it was with good reason I have been unable to do so, I realised what I had been missing out on. It was an enjoyable event that whetted my appetite for more. Belgium? Luxembourg? Germany? Where next? Hmm, just waiting for the invitation then. The World is so much more accessible nowadays – (perhaps it always was?)
Finally the inspiration of youth gave me confidence in the creation of this Blog. If nothing else I have the opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings to the masses (or those who care to read!) for their perusal, comments welcomed. Though it has been within the past 3 weeks I have discovered a lot about myself, and of others – far more than they realise (buried deep are their demons so much that they are unaware) – My thoughts are with them in their continuing strife, for they will need it. The headaches still battle within, but the cause I feel has a returning warrior to pick up the banner and steadfast be prominent. The search for my soul mate continues * Peace + Love ~ Save the Planet *

My Migraines, the curse of sub-conscious genius or minor madness?

An accurate description may well be the bane of the mind. The headaches, which hold an ultra degree of torment for the sufferer. Whether it is the burning sensation upon and around the ball of the eye, the piercing pain that enters the head or general nausea, it seems to be a curse inflicted. My belief; if only through self-assessment, is that if indeed a curse, it is inflicted upon those who hold a special understanding of the unconventional. Visions (and not just optical) that others are unable to see and / or understand. Having experienced these and other symptoms for a number of years, I have tried to gain an understanding of the illness that it seems hereditary – perhaps it is the generic line that holds a key? Whether that means that I am a genius (of sorts) or a sufferer of mental discomfort is a matter of speculation, and the jury is still out (although I fear only just) who is to say however, that majority rules? I am an advocate that the vague and opaque shadow world, of dream, fantasy and dimensional content is not to be feared, as those whose claim “nightmare”, but comprehended as future memory and/or rift experience. I feel such intensity of thought, and as such, is one to be embraced rather than driven away with (so called) medication. Few can offer to me a plausible alternative reason for the explosive bursts of information that bounce around the walls of the mind. Too often it is an easy option to dismiss than understand and offer explanation. Are they warnings and guidance from beyond? The world of the spirits is a knowledgeable sense almost forgotten. Much like the Druids of ancient history, it is considered as strange, belittled and mocked as modern science endeavour to try to disprove the arts of distant past – ask any witch, it is they who through times bygone have suffered the worst of persecutions. Science? Save the Planet first Professor!
Then again, could it be a minor madness for the victim? Or a temporary anguish of the brain? If so then what is the cause? I have learned that the body clock is not a slave to the time of the day, that is corrupted by the conventions of work times, school times and dare I say it television times. I do not comply to such, so I rule out over tiredness, for I catnap when required and sleep when ‘my body’ dictates. Coffee can stimulate to excess and be an excitement of brain cells and although I do partake of the bean, it not to over excess and without such, still experience the irritation of inconvenience. The pains within continue. The silent noises deafen, the visions of sparkling light that dance like lightening strikes with the shocks of electricity behind Blue and closed eyelids. As the first line of Dylan’s composition sung with prophetic significance by Hendrix, though the subject is far different than this the first line of “All along the watchtower” is so apt when the demon attacks

Beginning Summer in March

The first day of the year for those of us born under the Aries star sign. The Spring Equinox is upon us, though it did, in days gone by, herald the onset of Summer. With that in mind I decided to stride to the nearby forest wood and embrace the ambience. Taking the time to look around and about at natures beauty is a seemingly forgotten pastime. The light and dark shades of greenery and colourful sparkle of sunlight that shone through the trees into the small glade set a picturesque scene. Without the noise of the city, the sweet sound of birdsong, the whistle of the breeze through the trees and rhythmic babble of the brook made a melodic serenade. Inhaling the freshness of air, that holds the memories of a yesterday, I made the time to take a moment of respite to inhale the substance of air with profound gasp, for time has no sense of measure, just of what was, what is and what may be.
Our path throughout any single lifetime may well have a measure of content, though for me the occurrences of the past can be recalled and experienced with an embracement of and acceptance of meditation। The spectres of the past that are known to many as ghosts, can easily be described and dismissed as a figment of imagination, I judge them to be much more. For that which lie in the shadows have profound substance. The turning of the wheel provides an opportunity for us to make our own reflections, to cast out what was, and rather than the conventional practice of ‘making’ resolutions, actually employ them. A task, a trip, a commitment to change. My visit to this place of Karma and reflection allowed me to do such. Conviction of conscience comes at a cost, though solace in solitude gives a quiet contentment. It is a choice of balance for the individual, for it is they who live with the consequences. Whilst this may seem rather a dark vision of loneliness, it is not. For the projection of positive drive can be an inspiration to others and bring out in them qualities of developmental advancement that will benefit many. Whilst faiths differ, education, tolerance and dedication are virtues that are honourable and together we can make a difference to make the World that we currently occupy a better place. Not so much that the weekend, but changes can indeed start here “Happy Summer” - Peace + Love Save the Planet

Blog Inspiration

If recent events have taught me anything, it is never to underestimate the seldom used spiritual sense of enlightenment। Though it is a sense of nature given, all of us have the ability if not the capability to utilise it to gain a greater understanding of the World within and without everyday life. When the spark of inspiration ignites, it can do so within a moments turn. The stimulation into action of the dormant feelings that are within us all, the ideas, philosophies and visions which lie out of synch with that of the normality of convention – such are the greatest of discoveries.
Activation of such can come in the form of creative expression and/or in the case of the heart, give clarity of direction।
For me, two events of difference seem to be a catalyst of the actions that I will take on the road to fate, through Karma
Once upon a long ago, when the harsh Black and White World of the 60s exploded into a spectrum illusion, the opportunities to expand the mind in a creative and positive manner seemed open to both myself and peers of the day।
In the interim period my life has seen opposition, ridicule and betrayal। With responsibilities comes commitment, compromise and leads to compliance to convention, though for me at a cost
I now feel that the wind of change may well have finally arrived and the beacon ahead glimmers with a degree more brightness. Satisfaction may not be the word, though there is some degree of pleasure that the prophecy received at Glastonbury has the truth of substance that I had hoped for.
The first sign of variation was in reading expressive text of youthful exuberance। My faith restored by a simple posting, reminding me that the expectation of youth is full of joy and optimism.
The second was a deed of action unspoken. An act of deceitfulness seen behind the eyes that tried to hide the thoughts of a deceiver. The realisation of such can give an unexpected sensation. The scars that once would have remained with me became sadness for the owner and their eternal and seemingly fruitless endeavour to find what they’d be looking for. Such confidence in disappointment seems rather a contradiction; I found it to be an epiphany.
I feel, with freedom of expression a need to write what I feel with in my heart and indeed soul, with respect for the principles and conviction of conscience that I had thought lost
How gratifying it was that I saw it again within the writings of someone who I only knew by name - the flight of the Raven never flowed with such grace and purpose। For it gave me an inner motivation and indeed the confidence to write record and share past, present and future memory foresight
Whether this initiation of enlightenment to my inner soul can spark inspiration for others, in agreement or a difference of opinion I know not। – Only that some, is always better than no, action.

इ ऍम Billy

I was born at the onset of a significant decade of change at the home of relative, a refugee from convention even at my earliest of days. Without a house for the first four years of my life, the 60s were certainly the time of cosmopolitan and myriad characters. I felt at such ease with the expansion and development of youth’s ambition. My childhood opened me up to a diversity of colour, creed, gregariousness and greed. It was through these experiences that I embraced the principles that have stayed with me - though my conviction of conscience has been vilified, such is life.
Within my soul lies the principles and heart of a Hippie, tortured by the a World of corporate greed and insensitive personal ambition, though with belief that one day the message of "Peace + Love ~ Save the Planet" will sink in, not just as a phrase but a philosophy of life।
Married, Divorced, now once again a single person. I have two daughters that have great pride in - sure they’re not perfect, but who really wants “Barbie girls” My eldest Jennifer has marked out her path in life with focus and endeavor, strong and determined she’s her own person and makes use of each of the 24 hours in the day, whilst my globe-trotting Charlotte has within her a spirit of freedom and adventure, her quiet confidence and sensitivity giving her an enjoyable, carefree though measured lifestyle.
My best friends live within the confines of my perpetually active mind – well it’s better than at the bottom of an emptied glass. Music I find is the inspiration to many an idea of developmental change, though burdened with the curse of Cassandra, I find best comfort in the shadows, the lone Wolf in the wilderness. Acceptance of the status is an ally of the larger beast of depression, which hopes to devour – It is resolve and fortitude that is the barrier against such a foe. A friends’ support can be vital; though friends are few and reliability always comes down to an individual’s character.
Can it only be I that feels such despair in oneself, so self critical that mirrors are rarely gazed upon without pain? Striving to promote positive drive to and for others, whilst tormented by a guilt that is not there? Is it such a hope forlorn, that the Pin shapes that others have, ever be experienced?
I believe though the future for me is written, it is done so in pencil, and “Tomorrow, never knows” – after all “is better to have loved and lost, than not have loved at all”. What or whoever that may be I feel is out. Finding the grail of our heart or soul mate of compatibility is after all worth waiting for. After all Pandora did retain one final gift.